As reported by Jeff Levi.
Houston — NASA scientists today confirmed that our Moon’s orbit is decaying, and that it will likely destroy the Earth within 18 months unless something is done to stop it.
“This is a planet-killing event,” said Dr. Samantha Spamtazzle, the official currently in charge of the Orbit Observation Mission, a post that is rotated every 30 lunar days. “The dinosaurs were wiped out after impact by an asteroid that was just a tiny fraction of the size of the Moon.”
When asked what could be done to prevent the destruction of the Earth, Rex Spruiet, a recent political appointee and climate-change denier advocate, burst out, “See? How long did it take you people to finally realized that climate-change is not our biggest worry?”
After a short disturbance, Ms. Spamtazzle regained the floor and stated, “We need to arrest the decay of the moon’s orbit, period. And then carefully rebuild and reconstruct the orbit.”
Asked about plans for such an ambitious project, she said, “We have already reached out to experts in the field for bids on the reconstruction, and are today, happy to announce the two winners, who will be working together to solve this vital problem, Cal Trans, and Legoland.”
An official from Cal Trans then said,” We are very proud to have been selected for this honor. We feel we are uniquely qualified for this undertaking, as we know how to stop anything in its tracks and have been doing it for years all over the streets and freeways of Los Angeles and elsewhere.
The representative from Legoland had this to say, “This partnership is ideal: Cal Trans knows how to make it so you can’t move, and Legoland engineers have lengthy experience looking at a puzzles and putting the pieces back together to make it work for everyone. And at every age.”
When asked why SpaceX hadn’t been a contender in the bids, another official responded, “They are working on something privately to drag the moon back out into space. A ‘space lasso,’ is what I believe he called it, but you can never tell with Elon. He says lots of things. Hyper-loop this, Betty Boop that…”
Before concluding the stunning presentation, Ms. Spamtazzle summed up the seriousness of the situation in a way that touched many of those who were present,” We may not have a lot of time, so you probably want to get those overdue parking tickets in soon.”
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