How can you know if you’re losing your mind?
A) You can’t.
B) You are.
C) You’ll never really be sure.
The above is indeed accurate enough, but lacks nuance. I believe I can now offer a more meaningful and practical approach to answering this age-old question via the following:
Ask yourself, “Am I losing my mind?”
See who answers. Who answers is very important. If Mister Rodgers answers with, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!” you are good to go. And if you hear some dark, gravelly voice monotonically chant out, “you are doomed to be consumed! HAHAHAHAH” you are also good to go. As long as you hear voices, you are not alone, and that’s a good sign, because loneliness is one of the primary ways people lose their mind.
Test yourself. Take a look around. Make careful note of every detail. Now go away, and in a while come back to the same spot. Is your mind still there? You are all A-OK, then.
Test other people. Ask them: Have you lost your mind? They will answer no. Now ask them, “Have you ever lost your mind?” They will answer yes. So yes and no to the same question?! You see how easy it is to lie to yourself about this.
Make a list of 20 things you absolutely know for sure about world events. Now put that list away for one year. When you pull it out a year later, ask yourself, is everything on this list still true? If you answer yes, you are either not paying attention, or you are losing your mind. The sad part is that you will have likely been losing your mind over the course of that year anyway, and will thus be exactly one year behind in trying to locate it. This is the singular downfall of this particular test, however else effective it might be.
Look around. Do you have children? This is a guaranteed sign that you have lost your mind several times over. There is a theory that this effect eventually ages out over time, but no one has lived long enough to compile the stats.
Dig deep. Now, dig deeper. Have you been arrested yet? No? Then you are likely digging on your own property. If instead, you were digging someplace public, you probably should be arrested, because almost for sure, you are losing your mind (you freak!)
Ask your higher consciousness: “Am I losing my mind?” And the answer should be, “I hope so.” Because if you lose your mind and replace it with the higher-consciousness Universal Mind, the world will be a far better place. So see if you can get this done by the end of the week – people are waiting on you.
Tell yourself it doesn’t matter if you’ve lost your mind. If you agree, then obviously you’ve lost your mind. This is a sign of spiritual evolution. If you disagree, that’s just your mind playing tricks on you, and eventually you’ll come to realize that your mind has been lost the whole time anyway.
So you see, you can’t really get away from you, now matter how many times you try to lose it in the woods (or in cans of beer).
Anyway, you could lose your mind thinking too much about this stuff, so I’d leave it right here. (Your mind, that is.) That way when you come back, it should still be right where you left it. (Unless the dogs get to it first.)
Sincerely,
Your (happily lost) Mind
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