As reported by Jeff Levi. Washington, D.C. –- The Bureau of Labor Statistics released its employment report today. All measures showed improvement over the previous release, except the Magic category, which fell by a stunning 16.7%. Said one economist, “It’s the nature of Genie work. It’s very short-term employment, and very cyclical. It must be […]
April Showers emotionally admits it’s not the only thing that brings May Flowers.
As reported by Jeff Levi. Raleigh, N.C. – In a reversal that surprised many, April Showers admitted today that it is not the only thing that brings May flowers. The trial, closely watched by many as a bellwether case in the pursuit of other Months’ alleged criminality, was all but over when the emotional revelation […]
Moon’s orbit found to be decaying. NASA awards contract for reconstruction.
As reported by Jeff Levi. Houston — NASA scientists today confirmed that our Moon’s orbit is decaying, and that it will likely destroy the Earth within 18 months unless something is done to stop it. “This is a planet-killing event,” said Dr. Samantha Spamtazzle, the official currently in charge of the Orbit Observation Mission, a […]