As reported by Jeff Levi. Poultry Park, IA — The FDA announced the egg recall all across America today. “Until now, no one really knew just how smart they are,” said Professor Limelight, in charge of the study. Scientists followed (with some difficulty) 14,000 eggs over three years before releasing their results today. “Most were […]
Iceberg identified as primary cause of delayed bus service
As reported by Jeff Levi. Tampa, FL –- One thing most Tampa residents already knew: their bus system was slow and getting slower. But today, in a meeting with public officials, the city got a first clue as to what’s been behind the problem. “It’s an iceberg.” said the head of Tampa Transport, “It had […]
Contrarians attend annual convention, can’t agree on agenda, disband.
As reported by Jeff Levi. New York City — The Convention of Contrarians adjourned permanently today over disagreement on the agenda for day two of their annual convention. “We had pretty much nailed it down, but you know…some people just can’t agree on anything,” said Maggie, a lifelong member from Columbus. “It’s the same every […]
Traffic light in “most dangerous” intersection in America admits to multi-personality disorder.
As reported by Jeff Levi. Los Angeles — The mystery of America’s most dangerous intersection has been solved. An unlikely culprit appeared in court today for a hearing about his involvement in 9,342 traffic accidents in the last 24 months alone: the traffic light itself. “For years we thought it was like the Bermuda Triangle,” […]
Government goat charged with destroying evidence
“He ate just about everything.”
Child, deliberately abandoned in chocolate factory is found, but won’t leave.
As reported by Jeff Levi. Chicago – A young boy was found today in the King Cocoa Chocolate Factory after being missing for 10 days. When police were asked why it had taken so long to find the boy, they said, “His mother didn’t report him gone until this morning.” “It was the best birthday […]